tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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