im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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