She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Houston, we have a squirter
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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