Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
