He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
