I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
