who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize