just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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