Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
