No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
