dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
