I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
