New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
