she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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