college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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