So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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