Your mouth is God's brothel.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
