did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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