do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize