Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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