haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
