Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sober January is a disaster.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
