You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
