Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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