She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
