So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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