You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
