I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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