she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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