I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, thereās still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
