I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
