your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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