I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
