Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
