Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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