I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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