I think I won the penis lottery.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
