Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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