Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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