i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
try to milk me bitch
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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