i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
