i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
