hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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