it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize