I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
