Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
