You can't special order awesome
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
