Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
