Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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