Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
