She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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