Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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