Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
