4 words: hood of his car
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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