Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
