Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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