The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
