you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
