so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
ok first of all what the fuck
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
