u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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