so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
