Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
