I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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