I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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