he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
